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South Bay Woman Magazine, September
2006 In Her Shoes The people who have helped me most in my life have always been the ones who could understand what I was feeling. Certainly in big ways but often in small ways, we care for others with our understanding. The guy who lets you in in heavy traffic when you're late for work. The little girl who sees you carrying too much stuff and holds the door wide open for you. The friend who brings you chicken soup when you didn't even know yet that you were sick. This is empathy, the ability to see life from someone else's perspective-the ability to put yourself in her shoes. My first real job was, in fact, selling men's shoes at a store in the Del Amo mall. I was sixteen. And I was depressed. It wasn't the men's shoes that were depressing me; it was just life. I remember very clearly one day, sitting on one of those pale-colored cubes they used to have throughout the mall for weary shoppers who needed to take a rest. I was waiting for my friend, Glenn, to finish work so we could drive home together. I was hunched over, staring down at the waxed but dusty floor. Every few seconds, someone would walk past, an employee rushing to his car, families carrying their purchases in big bags. "Are you okay?" I heard her before I saw her. A young woman had stopped in front of me. "No," I told her. No? I thought. That's not the answer you're supposed to give when someone asks that question, but it was true. She sat down next to me on the cube. She didn't ask me any personal questions, aside from the very personal question she had greeted me with. She told me she worked at a flower shop and if I'd like to talk more, I could call. She looked into my eyes, briefly, and she smiled at me. Her boyfriend, though, was growing impatient. He stood there, a few feet away from us. His arms were folded across his chest, but he wasn't tapping his foot or anything. She knew, though, it was time to go. She stood to take her place next to him, but she turned back and gave me just a little wave before she left my life. And that, at that moment, was exactly what I'd needed. How had she known that? She didn't know me. She didn't know anything about me, except what she could tell by glancing at me as she walked by. But she had known, somehow, how to help me. And that, I believe, is the strength of empathy. In business empathy is probably the most important element for success. We have to understand what our customers and clients need for their own success, and we need to understand how to help them get there. And that understanding comes through our empathy. Of course you don't need to have gone through a specific experience in order to feel empathy for a person who has. None of us can ever fully understand another person's experience because each human experience is unique. But to feel empathy, you just have to listen, reflect, and imagine yourself in her shoes.
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